The Problem

So, when I set this up, I did so saying that it's not easy being fat and gay, right? Now, I realised almost straight away that that was pretty pathetic; that it was super-negative and that I didn't want to go down that route. After all, if it's so bad, why don't I just fucking lose weight, right? Right.

As if the Powers That Be wanted to prove a point, though, I just now got this message on gaydar from a user called 'arab4hung'. Look at his profile and, well, it's pretty clear to see that he's not exactly a sparkling personality. But, I've never spoken to him before - no messages, no private chats, nothing.

So, imagine my surprise when I get this message from him:

it would nt kill slimming down eating healthy and curbing on food
ur 24 and qhuite monstruous big

the gay world is tough

ur 24 y and if u want not the best in the gay world but just ordinary normal nice gay guys really curb on unnecesary food eat healthy and go for a nice haircut

slimmer fitter means also less risk of heart attack or hypertension or diabetes etc


i hope u wont mind me tgelling all this

No, arab4hung! I don't mind you telling me this at all. It really hadn't occurred to me.

To be honest, this is a pretty horrible thing to receive. It's stuff I know: I should slim down. I am putting my health at risk. It is difficult to find anyone other than weird old chasers after me. But the phrasing - the mean-spiritedness to imply that, even if I did slim down, I would still only be able to go after 'normal' looking guys - is really quite crushing. Especially when I get people telling me that I'm cute now and again. I'd actually started to believe that maybe it was true, at least to some eyes.

So, I think, I need to reply to this. And, before my brain does any thinking, the following message has composed itself:

Er - who are you?

Thanks, but if I want completely obvious advice, I'll just look in a mirror - I'm quite capable of making those fascinating leaps of logic myself.

And, you know, if you want to impart your incredible wisdom to other people in the future - and I'd think twice before you do, because once again I'm sure they'll not be particularly thankful - you might want to not use words like 'monstrous', and you might not want to be so arrogant as to say that I could get 'normal' guys if I slimmed down.

Why? Because it makes you sound like a complete and utter cunt.

Oh, and for the record: I have already had relationships with guys *far* more attractive than, gosh, even YOU! And they have liked me despite my size.

So, just in case it wasn't clear: fuck off.

There is one lie in there: can you spot it? It's radiating untruth like a throbbing wound in my argument.

(Yes, I've not actually been in a relationship at all, ever. There is an element of truth in there, though: I have had sex with people far more attractive than he is. But that doesn't sound quite as good.)

Anyway. I only get a terse reply back:

ur ugly and monstruous and u like it
fine

Yeah. I like it. No, wait - in fact, I love it. I love it so much that I'm going to single-handedly form an advocacy group, and dedicate my life to touring schools and preaching to them how amazing it is to be fat and gay. I will then invest my hard-earned earnings in a giant, continent-sized cannon, which I will use to fire you into the fucking sun, you piece of shit.

Sorry. Think I got a bit carried away there.

Sadly, he blocked me straight after that message of his, which meant that I didn't get the chance for a comeback. But the thing is, it wouldn't have been a nasty, rude retort like my previous one. Because, in the time between those messages, one sentence of his really stuck out.

the gay world is tough

Yeah. You know what? It kind of is. Like I said at the top, I'm not one to sink into melancholy - if it's so bad, I could get myself out of it easy. But, regardless, he is right. The gay world can be tough. And it's tough because of people like him. He is judgemental, rude, and bitchy - the three things that I found so disagreeable in my (short) time on the scene back when I was younger. He's just contributing to it.

So, if you ever find yourself telling someone that the gay world is tough, just think for a second: is what you're saying there, or your general actions, contributing to that? Because if you've got the foresight to see that it's not a brilliant situation, then you've got the intelligence to buck the trend.

Now: sleep.